I was sitting here in a guided meditation with God. I realized that part of the reason why I hurt so much is because I have abandoned all rational thinking for faith in what God wants for me. My God and what He wants for me in my life is for my husband to come back to me. I know that without a shadow of a doubt!! What I see in my circumstances and in my husband (when I have talked with him - twice in the last two month) I see absolutely no change in him. He is still a stubborn man.
God took me through a process (that took seven years of hell) to clean out my insides. Using His Holy Spirit to clean out all the anger, hate, distress etc etc from all the abuse I had when I was a child. Three of those years God used His Holy Spirit to literally take "me" out of "me". It was one of the most painful experiences I have ever endured. It was like God was literally ripped flesh off of flesh to leave me with a healthy healthy spirit.
And now I must wait for my Jim. I love him so much. God created a miracle in my heart for Jim. God said "pray that I open up your heart for Jim" and then God began creating a supernatural miraculous love in my heart for Jim. And then God said, "wait". Holy cow!!! I don't have enough energy or remembrance of what has happened over the last three years, as I have waited for God to bring Jim home. All I know is that "it will happen" "stand your ground, it will happen" .... those are some of God's words to me to encourage me that I am doing what is right.
I love having EP. A safe place to express myself. With people who will accept me for me. I havent had any trouble yet on EP and for that I am thankful. My love to you all...
Previous Postsabandoning ...., posted December 18th, 2012, 1 comment
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